That is a tough place to be. I feel like every morning during the week I count down the minutes until 11:30 when I’m free to go to the bathroom and take my lunch break. Then, I get back from lunch, pee again, and start counting down till 4:30 when I can pee again and start thinking about going home. I am allowed to go to the bathroom during the day, but in order to leave my desk, I have to transfer my phone to another assistant (and I don’t like to bother them, just so I can leave my desk for 2.25 minutes).

Every Monday I feel overwhelmed, and Tuesday is all about surviving till Wednesday which marks the hump of the week. After that, the light at the end of the tunnel starts to peek through by mid-afternoon on Thursday. I know I can survive Friday because my freedom begins around 4:30 (as long as no crap hits the fan at the end of the day!).

During the drive home on Friday, I start praying that time will slow down so that I can squeeze some life out of the approximately 31 awake-hours that are my weekend.

In our small group last week we read Colossians chapter 3. Every single word of it cut right into my heart. I was convicted by it, but not as a slave who has disobeyed her master, but rather as a maiden who has caused her lover pain. The latter is the type of conviction that draws you toward healing and relationship while the former generally causes shame and withdrawal. I am usually convicted by scripture and switch right over to allowing myself to feel shame and frustration. I want to either retreat and nurse my wounds or continue in my defiance because it’s easier. It was so refreshing to have the passage in Colossians draw me closer to God. I heard a few key themes that I’ve been trying to meditate on this week:

1) Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth.
2) Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
3) Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord.

In the midst of my weeks spent doing the opposite of what my heart desires, I have been struggling to keep my mind on things above and do my work as though I am doing it for God. The good news is that when I am weary, He will give me rest. When I lean on Him, His strength is sufficient for me.

If you are a praying person, pray that I might meet God in this valley.

Lately I’ve had lots of up and downs. I was feeling pretty depressed for about 2 weeks straight. I couldn’t seem to get used to my job, I felt estranged from all of my friends, I didn’t have any motivation to keep my house in order (dishes, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping), I felt fat and frumpy and overall gloomy.

Lately I’ve been learning more about life just through the circumstances I’ve been through, not a book or sermon or anything else which is uncommon for me. I’ve been noticing things about myself and about others. I’ve been getting a different perspective on things, maybe due to my getting older.

Lately I haven’t even been thinking much about my purpose in life. It used to consume me and frustrate me that I didn’t know what it was. I knew that God had given me a desire to have children and to be a godly wife and mother, but that doesn’t really seem possible right now, so I felt purposeless. I used to wrack my brain to come up with a purpose that I could adhere my life to while I’m waiting for what I really want. Now, just when I started chilling out about it, I feel like God has been giving me a peek at it. I’ll post more about that another time.

Lately I’ve been trying hard to stick to my “lifestyle change” I can’t say diet, because we all know those really don’t work in the long run. I’m great at dieting (I can get down 20 pounds to fit into a special occasion dress anytime) but I suck at keeping the weight off. I decided to have a goal to lose 2 lbs a week for 15 weeks and then keep it off….for good! Tomorrow will mark the end of week 3 and I’m only down 5 lbs, but I did cheat multiple times this weekend, so now I’m back on track and I hope I can keep losing. This is such a mental/emotional thing for me. I need to completely change the way I think about food. Ugh.

Lately I haven’t been posting much, but I’m hoping to get better at keeping up with this blog.

Lately I’ve been craving a warm weather vacation SO bad! I would love to take a cruise!!! I’ll just have to keep looking forward to spring.

This year our small group from church was scheduled to meet on Valentine’s Day, so we ended up having a potluck dinner instead of our normal discussion. It was a really nice evening.

Since we we already had those plans, Andy decided that we should celebrate the day of hearts today instead. He scheduled us for a 1 hour couple’s massage!! It was so wonderfully relaxing! I have had 2 other massages, but it was the first time for Andy. The first words out of his mouth when they finished our massage were, “Can we do this again next weekend?” I was so glad he enjoyed it as much as I did! It was a perfect gift for us to share. He knows how stressed I have been about my job and that massages are one of the only ways I can really relax, so it was the best thing to get me. It was so neat being able to share the experience with him in the same room.

We’re heading out for a delicious steak dinner tonight and then we rented a couple of movies to come home and snuggle up to. What a great Valentine’s celebration!