That is a tough place to be. I feel like every morning during the week I count down the minutes until 11:30 when I’m free to go to the bathroom and take my lunch break. Then, I get back from lunch, pee again, and start counting down till 4:30 when I can pee again and start thinking about going home. I am allowed to go to the bathroom during the day, but in order to leave my desk, I have to transfer my phone to another assistant (and I don’t like to bother them, just so I can leave my desk for 2.25 minutes).
Every Monday I feel overwhelmed, and Tuesday is all about surviving till Wednesday which marks the hump of the week. After that, the light at the end of the tunnel starts to peek through by mid-afternoon on Thursday. I know I can survive Friday because my freedom begins around 4:30 (as long as no crap hits the fan at the end of the day!).
During the drive home on Friday, I start praying that time will slow down so that I can squeeze some life out of the approximately 31 awake-hours that are my weekend.
In our small group last week we read Colossians chapter 3. Every single word of it cut right into my heart. I was convicted by it, but not as a slave who has disobeyed her master, but rather as a maiden who has caused her lover pain. The latter is the type of conviction that draws you toward healing and relationship while the former generally causes shame and withdrawal. I am usually convicted by scripture and switch right over to allowing myself to feel shame and frustration. I want to either retreat and nurse my wounds or continue in my defiance because it’s easier. It was so refreshing to have the passage in Colossians draw me closer to God. I heard a few key themes that I’ve been trying to meditate on this week:
1) Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth.
2) Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
3) Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord.
In the midst of my weeks spent doing the opposite of what my heart desires, I have been struggling to keep my mind on things above and do my work as though I am doing it for God. The good news is that when I am weary, He will give me rest. When I lean on Him, His strength is sufficient for me.
If you are a praying person, pray that I might meet God in this valley.