…just not posting anything lately.

I wish I would have been the one to coin the phrase, but alas I did not. I actually happened upon it about a year and a half ago when I stumbled upon a website called quarterlifecrisis.com. It’s basically a website where 20 somethings ramble and complain about the weird crash that seems to accompany this chapter of life. It’s too early to be a midlife crisis….that comes at about 50, so 25 is the perfect time for a quarter life crisis. It probably shouldn’t be a crisis at all since we are all young enough to get up and create the life we want to be remembered for. I suppose that’s still possible at age 50 but is significantly more daunting I’m sure. By 75 I better be at the point in my life that I know God and myself well enough to avoid any and all possible crises.

So, here I am. Twenty-five years old and in crisis. Who am I really? What do I like? What are the things I wish I’d done already? Can I still do them? I’ve described it to several people in the following terms: It’s like a carwash….the kind at which you pull your two front tires over those things on the conveyor belt and they just move you along through the brushes and giant mop heads and soap and wax spitters, etc. You pull up and get onto the moving belt and then you’re moving right along. You aren’t pushing on the gas petal, you can’t use the break, you’re stuck in neutral and you are moving along the course. What if you suddenly change your mind and don’t want a carwash? Is there anything you can do about it? You might be able to get out of your car and run, but then there’s the issue of the water, and soap and giant moving parts. It’s dangerous to leave.

All that to say that I’m feeling like my life is on a course and I’m not sure it’s the one I dreamed or imagined. I hope it’s the one that God wants me to be on, but I’m not even sure I spent enough time discussing it with Him. Maybe this feeling is a wake up call from Him. Maybe this is how He’s getting my attention so that I really make some changes in my life. I’m not sure.

If you are a prayer, pray for me.

I haven’t posted in a while…again! I guess it’s hard to figure out what is worth writing about and what isn’t.

I always feel like I’m just shy of doing the right thing. I am a perfectionist by nature…not the kind that needs all my socks to be folded perfectly in my drawer, but the kind that is always striving to be the perfect wife, daughter, friend, employee, church member, sister, cousin, niece, cook, scrapbooker, event planner, you name it. I also like to follow the rules. My thinking is that God is the author of life. He created the game, so playing by His rules ensures the best outcome. I would love to say that obeying God’s commands flow from my great love for Him, but most often my obedience is due to the fact that it’s only logical to do things His way and that in doing so, I can ensure a desirable outcome. Basically it’s more of a cognitive drive than a visceral one.

Last night my mom and I were talking on the phone and because I never feel like I’m doing the right thing, I was overly sensitive to some of the comments she was making. I ended up hysterical for no real reason and we got off the phone. Oddly enough, my dad called me back to smooth things over. If you know me, you know how ironic that was because it’s usually he and I that have the issues which create hysterical phone conversations. He was wonderfully patient, gentle and logical with me and really did a fine job of “smoothing”.

I’m wondering how and when I’ll really find the path to turning my obedience and right living into outpourings of my heart rather than my mind.