I am thrilled to say that the chelitis flare-up has died down! I’m not 100% yet, but I’m at least 98% and I feel like a new woman. Seriously.

Let me list a few things that were difficult – scratch that – unbearable during “Chelitisgate 2011”:

Eating anything requiring the mouth to open
Brushing teeth
Flossing (this was actually impossible much to my chagrin)
Drinking
Breathing
Existing

So there you have it. For about 4 solid days I felt like I was being tortured for secrets that threatened national security. I don’t wish this upon anyone.

Ok, well there is this one person…

Anyway, I’m so thankful that the worst of it is over! I’m guessing the outbreak was due to stress and possibly a vitamin B deficiency. I pretty much got serious about my multi-vitamin again and relieved some stress with biking and yoga. Holy cow is yoga tougher than it looks! That downward dog should be called the Killer Cujo! It is freaking tough!

Ok, so about the armpits…

I’m forever torturing myself trying to be “green” by reducing my exposure to the toxic household products that are pretty much ubiquitous in today’s day and age. I try to eat organic, local, whole foods whenever possible and I’ve really cut back on most personal care products like body lotions, sprays, perfumes, etc. I’ve even ditched my old laundry soap and fabric softener sheets for Eco-friendly detergent and dryer balls.

Despite all my efforts, one of the big issues I was having was with deodorant. I’m what you would call a, let’s see…how do I put it delicately?

Stinky person

There are two types of people in this world:

1. Stinky people
2. Non-stinky people

Sadly I’m not one of those girls that “glistens” or “perspires”. I full-on sweat like a 300lb linebacker. And that’s just when I’m unloading the dishwasher.

As you can probably imagine, deodorant is a pretty important component to my daily routine.

Most of the “natural” deodorant out there is a joke. There’s the clear “crystal” stuff that might as well just be water. There’s Toms of Maine which might work for Tom, but leaves me smelling like a Kenyan man after an hour and a half. I lived in Kenya for a year and let me tell you, that aroma is nothing to shake a stick at!

I was feeling pretty hopeless until my friend turned me on to Dirty Girl Farms products which are carried at a local farmers market. This stuff actually worked and just in time for me to make the switch before my stint as a dairy cow (I’d been hoping to find a natural solution before Grace was born because of my pits’ priximity to “the girls”)

Queue angels singing the Hallelujah Chorus!

Then the cooler weather came, and with it the propensity toward long sleeve shirts. The lack of air flow to the pits caused an excessive amount of moisture (but no stench!).

Long story short, after being smothered for days on end in wet fabric, my pits revolted. They developed a scaley, thick, brown coating and it wasn’t pretty.

I convinced myself it was a fungus and tried all manner of natural cures before realizing that baking soda was a medical marvel (kinda like Ross on Friends, but not as academic).

A few weeks of slathering on a paste of baking soda and water and that brown crust all peeled off. You can thank me later for this graphic post.

I was a new woman. Then I went against everything I believe and started using Secret again. Shhh…don’t tell or I may have to turn in my “crunchy card”.