Light as a Feather

On Monday I talked about giving up social media for Lent this year.

I went on and on about how hopelessly addicted I am to it and how it’s a time waster and a Bermuda Triangle of sorts.

Here I sit 3 days into this fast..

and I feel light as a feather.

Not twitchy at all.

Not anxious.

Just light.

Peaceful.

Present.

I’m actually enjoying the disconnection so much that I’m wondering if it was the right thing to give up after all!

I think it probably was, and I also think it’s too soon to know how hard it really might end up being.

I guess I just thought these early days would be the hardest….that I’d have to spend time breaking the habit of compulsively checking everything.

But so far it hasn’t been that way.

If I do randomly pick up my phone, I see an empty row where the various social media apps used to be and I immediately remember there’s nothing to check.

Instead of being grouchy about it, I kind of sigh in relief and set the phone back down.

It’s been lovely.

Honestly, I’m such a thrill-seeking, adrenaline junkie, harder-is-better, pain-is-good kind of gal that the lack of pain is bumming me out.

Ha!

File this under things that make me crazy :)

This sweet girl makes me a little crazy too.

Boy howdy is she a gift from the Lord to mold me more into the image of Christ!

I have to keep looking at it that way lest I become completely discouraged.

I love her so very much.  It physically hurts sometimes.

She is such a delight and so much fun and sweet as pie!

She is also human.

And, as such, she is stubborn and dramatic and selfish and greedy and unkind sometimes too.

Those times have been really challenging lately.

I want so badly for her to understand the gospel and have God work in her little heart to bring about lasting change, yet I easily fall into behavior management mode.

Treating all the symptoms instead of the real issue.

Andy and I have both been struggling with how to handle the behavior outbreaks the past couple of weeks, so we started reading Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus again.

SUCH A GOOD BOOK.

More than giving us any formula to follow (which it isn’t even designed to do) it has been instrumental in causing our own hearts to be more open and receptive to the good news of the gospel!

Pointing us back to scripture over and over.

Pointing us back to Jesus over and over.

Pointing out how the well-behaved goody-two-shoes kids are just as much in need of a Savior as the trouble makers.

It’s not simply about behaving well.

It’s about our hearts.

Oh how I long for my girls to have hearts that love God and love others!

I want their kindness and love and generosity to flow out of hearts that love God and understand His love for them.

I don’t want them to live lives that look good on the outside but are self-righteous and prideful and hypocritical on the inside.

It’s so hard to keep the gospel and the state of their hearts at the forefront of my mind when Grace is throwing a fit or being mean to Avery or lying.  I get so frustrated and angry that these things happen over and over and over again.

I just want her to STOP.

Interesting since my own sinfulness persists every.single.day.

Ugh.

I also say that I trust God with my children, but do I really?

Do I really trust that their salvation is up to Him?  Do I really trust that He is writing their stories and will weave all of the good and the bad into His good purpose?  Do I really believe that if I keep instructing them and pointing them back to Christ and loving them relentlessly, the rest is up to Him?

I must not.

Because if I did, I don’t think I’d get so seriously bent out of shape.

I don’t think I’d lose my temper as much.  I don’t think I’d put such high expectations on my ability to parent them “just right”.

I think I’d walk in more peace and joy.

This whole parenting thing is so humbling.

I want to do a good job so badly.

SO BADLY.

I mean, look at that sweet face!

I want the best for her!  I want to make sure everything happens exactly perfect every moment, and it’s a hard pill to swallow that I can’t and shouldn’t make that happen.

God knows every single step these sweet little feet will take.  He knows where she’ll go wrong and He knows where she’ll go right.

He loves her even more than I do which is almost unfathomable.

His mercies are new every morning.

For Grace and for me.

We may see only snow and ice during the winter seasons we encounter in life.  Only darkness and death sometimes.

But God brings new life.

Spring always comes.

Out of death comes life.

Jesus died so that we might have life and have it to the full.

Hallelujah!