After posting about my hard heart the other day, I started thinking that I was only painting one half of the picture.
I tend to be a bit of an extremist.
You’re shocked, I know…
But really, I tend to fall to one extreme or the other most of the time.
I pretty much know whether I love or hate something in about .458 seconds. I’ve got an opinion about nearly everything and it can most often be found far left or far right (not politically speaking).
It’s a bit of a mystery how I’ve pre-formulated opinions about almost everything under the sun, but maybe I can credit it to having an overactive imagination or being a perpetual daydreamer.
Achieving balance is a lifelong quest for me. I’m honestly working toward it, but often find myself swinging from one end to the other like a pendant on a necklace. If I just let go, I’ll free fall from extreme to extreme for a while but will ultimately end up hanging still, right at the center.
I take comfort in that word picture when I find myself on the far end of either side of the spectrum. Knowing that the bouncing back and forth should get me closer to the middle if I start to let go a little and let things run their course.
It seems cool to me that the center, or balance if you will, is found when the pendant becomes still. Physics mirroring life perhaps?
So I think there are two main groups of people: over-feelers and under-feelers.
I generally classify myself as an over-feeler because I’m so intense and passionate. If I love a recipe, I really LOVE it and CAN’T BELIEVE HOW AWESOME IT IS and WISH I COULD EAT IT FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER EVERYDAY!
Same goes for most things that I love. I get overcome with excitement and appreciation. This goes for books, movies, people, ideas…you name it.
On the other side of the coin, if I hate something, I really HATE it and CAN’T BELIEVE HOW STUPID IT IS or HOW MUCH BETTER THE OLD WAY WAS and wonder WHY EVERYTHING CAN’T BE JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT.
Sometimes it feels like a curse.
Our greatest strengths are so often our greatest weaknesses, and this is one of mine.
The ups/positives ROCK! But the downs/negatives SUCK!
It’s dawning on me that a hard heart is the other side of the “over-feeler coin”.
I’m going to feel the heck out of things for a while, but then comes the fall and I plummet back to not feeling anything. Just numb.
I’m taking heart in knowing that I’ll fall back to the other side and keep inching my way closer to the center. It takes time and persistence and a commitment to growth.
I know I have all three.
In the meantime, I’m so very thankful for God’s grace and the patient, loving people around me. It’s a real blessing to have a husband, family and friends who continue to love on me even when it gives them whiplash.