So just when I thought things were going so great, I had a really tough week. I don’t know what the deal is…my mind is on overdrive all the time lately and it’s really bringing me down.
My last post was all about how great everything was…how work was great, how Grace’s naps were great, how life was just SO great. Well, nothing has really changed I guess…just my perception. But perception is reality, so reality has kinda sucked lately.
Babies are so unpredictable. There’s no owners manual or reset button. You don’t get to program the software; you just have to roll with the punches. The books tell you that you make your baby what they are and that there’s no “luck” involved, but I don’t think I’m buying it. I really do think that some babies are ” good nappers” and some are just not. Don’t get me wrong, Grace has the ability to take great naps, she just tends to take them when Andy is babysitting or in the evenings, instead of during the day when I’m working from home and really need her to. I mean she’s too young to plot against me, right?
I’m also struggling to stay on top of everything at work. I used to be able to juggle so many things, work late as often as I needed to and just keep all the plates spinning. I’m somehow managing to get things done, but where I used to be “on the ball” I now feel like I’m chasing it. Heck, the ball is rolling over me most days.
It’s incredible how much our minds play into how our days go. The days that I manage to stay positive and hopeful are much smoother than the days that I feel totally overwhelmed and hopeless. It’s an Olympic-level mind game every single day.
I am continually praying and doing my best to trust God. It’s the first thing I pray about in the morning and the last thing I pray about before bed. I’ve got a hunger for reading my Bible more than I have for years and I’m really drinking up the words on the page.
One thing that struck me the other night was in Philippians chapter 3. Paul says in verse 7, “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
- everything a loss
- surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus
- consider them rubbish
- gain Christ
- I want to know Christ
- becoming like him
I realized that I have had my mind on earthly things. I’ve been so consumed with the temporal life that I was ignoring the eternal. All the things I have to do each day are important, but they are not everything. I need to do them to the best of my ability and as if I were doing them for God himself, but I cannot allow all of my tasks to dominate my mind.
I need to consider all the things I used to put my hope in–rubbish. I’ve spent way too much of my life pouring myself into my “performance” and trusting my competence and my abilities more than trusting in the Lord. I’ve been stretched so much farther than ever before and I can’t count on my own strength the way I used to.
I’m learning to consider it a blessing not to be able to “handle it all” anymore because it’s literally forcing me to the place I should have been anyway…resting in the arms of my heavenly father.
Back to the bullet points…I want to know Christ and I want to become like him. The rest is just details.