I woke up this morning and immediately checked Facebook as I have every morning since Diana shared that her precious Kaden had a sick heart.
I saw this update and it broke my heart all over again.
I came downstairs and told my mom who spent the night last night and we both wept.
This horrible horrible thing.
After she had to say goodbye to two other boys last year.
How much can one person take?
God you say you are good!
Help me to believe that!
I want to believe. I want to trust. I want to hope.
But every bad update sends me reeling.
It’s not even my tragedy, but it has turned me upside down.
I went through the motions of getting ready for church this morning.
Coffee. Breakfast for the girls. Clothes on. Hair brushed. Car loaded.
Then I sat in the pew, aching.
Begging God to spare this little boy.
Begging Him to get glory through Kaden’s LIFE, not his death.
The singing started and I felt like I didn’t even know the words. I was distracted and frustrated.
Wishing that it was a week with all the songs I like best.
Wanting some religious experience at the very least.
Some kind of warm fuzzies to make my broken heart not hurt so badly.
I looked up at the cross that glows over the stage and I just opened up my heart. My aching, angry heart.
Then this song started to play…
I listened to the words and God sunk them deep into my heart.
For there is no one like our God
There’s no one like our God
There’s nothing that can stand against You
There’s no stronghold You can’t break
No life that You can’t save
Our God You never fail
The tears started to roll down my cheeks. I couldn’t see anyone around me, just the words on the screen. The glowing cross in my periphery.
I choked back sobs while being compelled to sing every single word of the song.
Not just sing every word, but believe every word.
Strong through every trial
Faithful through the night
Our God will never fail
Our God will never fail
I don’t understand and I can’t process the pain. I don’t even know what to do other than lean in harder to the God that I profess to trust.
To hope against hope that He is good.
That there’s no life He cannot save.
My God is not impotent.
He is powerful.
He will never fail.
Anchor through the flood
You keep holding on
I know You’ll never fail
Jesus You’ll never fail
I pictured Diana’s precious face and I saw Jesus holding on to her. To Sam. To Bella.
I saw Him faithful through the night.
Holding on to them. Loving them.
I don’t understand this and I may never on this side of heaven.
It’s making me question and doubt and shake my fists…
But this morning in a big church, on a street corner in Detroit, God touched my heart. He spoke to me through this song.
He gave me a picture of beauty in the midst of this tragedy.
It gave me hope.
It helped me trust.
I’m so grateful that He loves me. That He saw me struggling and peeled back a tiny corner of eternity to reveal a glimpse of His glory.
Though we feel like we are starving in this fallen world, He sustains us.