Yeah, I wasted most of Thursday having a petty party.
It was actually a petty party and a pity party.
The kind of day where one dumb thing hurts your feelings and you think on it too long and then it starts clouding all of your other thoughts and you get bent out of shape about a bunch of other crap too.
All silly little things.
I just couldn’t seem to drag myself out of it.
Grace and I spent time together making two kinds of donuts for a get together I was having that night. It was fun measuring and mixing with her in the kitchen and both types of donuts turned out to be really tasty. Recipes forthcoming :)
But no matter how much brainpower I devoted to the baking, I was still ruminating about the dumb things that had started snowballing in my mind that morning.
The stuff I was fixated on was not at all important. It was petty jealousy and comparison crap.
And the weirdest part is, I’m not usually like that.
I know I’m far from perfect and there are certainly things in my life that I’d like to change, but for the most part I’m fairly content. We are in a very sweet spot of life right now and I find myself being full of joy and thankfulness most of the time.
Jealousy and comparison are just not the monsters that usually jump on my back.
Sinful self-sufficiency and unforgiveness?
Yes, those are demons that haunt me on the regular.
The other stuff, not so much.
But there I was, neck-deep in petty hurts.
I generally give myself a pep talk to snap out of this kind of mindset. Or I distract myself with things I enjoy. I figure it out on my own.
Yeah, that self-sufficiency thing is kind of out of hand.
But, this time I was convicted to turn to God instead.
I started a new Bible Study at church last week. It’s a fairly intensive study that focuses on allowing the Holy Spirit to really work on our hearts. I’m in it with about six other women and it spans almost a full year. I’m excited about digging into it and I’m also a little nervous about what may surface as I start opening up the deep parts of my heart.
Even though I’ve just started it, I’m so much more aware of making God a part of my every day. I mean I call myself a Christian (follower of Christ) but do I really live like I am? Or do I live out my own agenda day after day after day?
It’s often the latter. Each day tends to be dictated by the feelings, whims, desires, and emotions of numero uno.
But, on this particular day, I decided not to push through it on my own. I prayed and then dug into my Bible study passages for the week and I followed that up with reading the daily entry in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I’ve mentioned this devotional guide before and I highly, highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Ironically enough, the passage talked about “petty cares and frustrations” and “petty problems.”
I mean, what are the odds??
The text was talking about seeing things from God’s perspective and letting the light of His presence so fully fill our minds that we view the world through Him. When things don’t go our way, we can look to him and shrug it off.
It talked about how this simple discipline can protect us from being burdened with an accumulation of petty cares and frustrations. It can help us walk through life with a joyful heart.
The reminder at the end was of Paul’s words that our troubles are light and momentary compared with the eternal glory being achieved by them.
Talk about a paradigm shift.
Away from me and my frail human heart. Toward a God in heaven who loves me and wants His presence to fully fill my mind.
Less of me. More of Him.
I pray that becomes more true in my life every day.