The Navy Archives - Page 2 of 6

Freaking Out

April 4, 2016

You guys, I am freaking out.

We could be moving NEXT MONTH and I have no idea what’s going on.

Andy finishes school THIS WEEK (where on earth have the past 4 years gone???) and then he leaves in a few weeks for his Navy Officer’s Training in Rhode Island for 5 weeks and ONE WEEK LATER he starts working as a Resident at Walter Reed in Maryland.

Somewhere in there we need to sell our house, find a new house, pack all our crap up and move our whole family to Maryland.

No big deal.

Except it’s a HUGE deal.

In the midst of all that there are graduation parties and weddings and a hundred and one other things that require me to be involved. To be sane. To show up.

And all I want to do is hide.

There are friends who have had new babies and I should be taking a meal. There are friends I haven’t seen in weeks that I should be getting together with. There are friends from my childhood that live nearby and want to hang out and I should be making time. There are texts I should be sending and calls I should be making and important things I should be prioritizing, and all I want to do is hide.

So I’ve been hiding.

Laying low, doing just enough to get by and not always even that much. I’ve been checked out emotionally with my kids and with Andy. I’m hanging on by a thread with God. I’m obsessing over every gram of carbohydrate, fat, and protein that I’m eating (when I’m supposed to be battling a food addiction…UGH) I’m not painting, I am watching countless episodes of Gilmore Girls in my spare time and I’m hoping everything works out, but fearing I’m going to mess it all up.

I know it will all work out, but I also know I have to participate in all of it. I have decisions to make and list items to check off and I’m overwhelmed.

I also think I’m grieving. I think it’s finally setting in that I’m leaving my cute little house, and all of my friends and family and I’m not coming back anytime soon.

Everything is changing and I’m suddenly feeling very ill prepared for it.

So I’m hiding out and freaking out.

If you see me and I’m “off” this is why. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m hoping and praying I will snap out of it, but so far I’m just wallowing in it.

Stay tuned for updates when things actually start getting done and we figure out where and when we are going. In the meantime, I appreciate the extra grace and mercy you may be able to extend.

The Results Are In…

December 18, 2015

You may have noticed it has taken me a couple of days to weigh in on what happened Wednesday with Andy’s residency match.

You guys, there has been so much to process!

I wish I could explain it, but I’m sure I can’t exactly.

You know I’ll use about 900 words trying though ;)

Rewind to Tuesday night…around 10pm.

Andy came into the living room where I was sitting and let me know his Army friend told him the results would actually be online at 0001 hours (12:01am) and we wouldn’t have to wait around all day Wednesday to learn our fate.

This made us both incredibly excited and nervous! We planned to stay up (of course) and log on the second the clock struck 12:01.

We had to distract ourselves somehow so we grabbed a couple of beers and a card game and set about killing time.

Before we knew it, the time was upon us. Andy grabbed his ancient Macbook (which is SOOO SLOOWWW) but had his login info stored, and we logged on.

It took forever and we were practically shaking.

I snapped this pic right before we logged on and although we look normal (albeit orange as Oompa Loompas!), we were in fact frantic.

With trembling hands we clicked into the status area and it said…

No data.

WHAT???

We refreshed the page…

No data.

AGGGHH!

This continued on for several minutes. Andy texted his Army friend and learned he was having the same problem.

Phew! It wasn’t just us.

We changed browsers but didn’t have the password handy because Andy had the site set to auto-populate it. He tore through our files looking for the info.

No dice.

We finally found the info in our internet settings and tried the site with another browser.

No data.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Our life is hanging in the balance and there’s no data!

Finally Andy’s friend texts that he got his info…his first choice too!

YAY!

I was so happy for him and just knew Andy was going to get a good outcome.

About 30 minutes after originally logging onto the site, we refreshed again and it populated!

Specialty: TRANSITIONAL

Location:

Our hearts beating out of our chests, we read the words and had no idea what they meant. I immediately asked Andy what that meant and he had no idea either.

We just sat their stunned and anxious and a wreck.

I kept asking him, “What does that mean??” and he kept telling me he didn’t know!

Oh my goodness you guys. It was so stressful.

I immediately decided to Google it.

Thank you sweet Jesus for Google!

Google seemed to have a clue what I was asking, so we poured through the search results and pieced together what this all meant.

Andy did not get an OB intern year.

He did not get a Family Med intern year.

He did not get Civilian Deferred.

He did not get a GMO tour.

ALL of the things we had tried to mentally prepare for were not even what ended up happening.

So what DID happen?

From what we could tell, Andy did not get one of the 10 OB spots, or even a family medicine intern year, but rather a transitional year which is a year that rotates you through a bunch of specialties. Because the location was blank, it looked like Andy would have to track down his own placement for the year.

That was BAD NEWS.

He had two local civilian interviews just in case he got Civilian Deferred, but they only had 3 year family residency programs, so as much as they liked him, he couldn’t do a transitional year at either of those hospitals. He would have to pound the pavement to find a hospital that DID have transitional years available and he’d have to apply for one of them late in the game.

We’d lose our military salary and health benefits for the year. It looked like Andy may even become a less desirable candidate for an OB spot after this kind of intern year.

We were crushed.

Then our minds started reeling about how he could possibly be in the bottom 50 of hundreds of Navy med students (the Navy took on 50 more students than residency spots PERIOD last year – DUMB). How could he with all of his outstanding scores and recommendations and interviews come in so dead last in this selection process?

One of my exact statements was, “Do the other students who got spots poop rainbows or something??? What makes them better than YOU??”

It was a very hard night.

We grieved and hugged and prayed and shed tears (me).

I felt like God forgot about us. I felt like He was looking over His shoulder like, “Oh yeahhh, I was supposed to do something there, wasn’t I?”

I know that is not true.

That’s the voice of the enemy whispering to me that God isn’t good. That He is holding out on me.

The same voice that Eve heard in the garden when she had everything she could have ever wanted and needed and the serpent convinced her that God was holding out on her by forbidding the fruit of that one tree.

“You better take things into your own hands, because God is holding out on you.”

LIES.

I know it. I believe it.

So we asked God for peace. We told Him that as hard as it was, we were going to trust Him anyway.

With as much uncertainty as there was, we were going to trust that He had a plan for all of it.

After very little sleep for me and practically none for Andy that night, we woke up on Thursday and the news hung heavy in the air. Andy went down to shower before work and he came back up quicker than he should have.

Turns out he logged into the system again, kind of like looking in the fridge over and over hoping something new and delicious will suddenly appear when you’re hungry. You know how that is, right?

AND THIS TIME THERE WAS MORE INFO.

Location: Walter Reed Naval Hospital – Bethesda, MD

OMG!

Again I was asking, “What does that mean?? Is it for real? Will it disappear?”

I peppered Andy with questions and he didn’t know why the new info was there now and not the night before, but another one of his military friends experienced the same thing…no location at midnight but it populated Thursday morning.

This news was for real!

We are moving to Bethesda, MD in June!

The relief that washed over us was palpable. We were not stragglers having to carve out a way for next year. Andy was not in the bottom 50.

In fact, Bethesda, MD was our first choice location for an OB intern year. They only have 2 spots, but from what we can gather, even though they didn’t give one of those to Andy, it seems they didn’t want to let him go, so he got a transitional intern year there.

It’s a fantastic facility. It’s where they took President Reagan when he was shot (fun fact). It’s near DC and it’s only about 8.5 hours from where we live in Michigan, so it won’t be too hard to drive back to MI for visits as we adjust to living away from our friends and family.

Getting this news was like entering Oz and having our world turn to color.

The emotional roller coaster we had been on in those 12 hours was harrowing.

Getting a bit of good news was so wonderful.

But I have to be honest, we are still grieving a bit.

Andy really really really wanted to get an OB intern year. We would have happily gone to any of the 3 locations for him to have one. Doing a transitional year makes us nervous. We don’t know how this will factor into him ultimately getting an OB residency.

He may still have to do a GMO tour. He may not get an OB residency and have to switch specialties (which is so sad to me because he’s worked so hard and done so well and may not get to do what he really wants to do).

Next year at this time we will be frantically logging into the site again to find out our fate again.

For now we are trusting God and processing the news and researching the areas in and around Bethesda. We are hoping and praying that Andy will make a fantastic impression this next year and they will just have to have him in their OB program for the following 3 years.

If you’ve made it this far (I’m sorry this was SOO LONG) thank you for caring about our journey. Thank you for reading my ramblings and for caring about our story.

I’m excited to see what God has for us and I’m excited to blog about all of it :)

3 Day Countdown to the Rest of Our Lives

December 13, 2015

Ok, that title is probably a little dramatic, but STILL I cannot believe we are only 3 days away from knowing where Andy will be doing his residency.

I cannot wait, and I don’t want to know.

I’m crazy, I know.

Part of me is dying to find out so that I can imagine the next chapter of our life. How far from Michigan we will be. What kind of neighborhoods and homes will be options. The climate of our destination. What life might look like.

BUT, the other part of me kind of likes not knowing. If we don’t have a destination, it all feels less real. If I don’t know where I’m going, theres’s no use thinking about leaving. It keeps me in the “now” which is a good thing for a futuristic thinker like me.

It’s probably also a form of putting my head in the sand over the whole issue.

In a few days I won’t have to debate about knowing or not knowing. I’ll just know.

It gives me heart palpitations just typing that out!

Andy is an outstanding candidate, so I feel confident he’ll be placed somewhere great and land a residency in his desired specialty (OB). Every interview he’s had has gone extremely well. All of the programs and staff members really like him and are impressed by his scores and recommendations. He’s just so awesome, you guys.

I’m beyond thankful he had the courage to pursue a career as a physician when I kind of tried to talk him out of it. I nudged him toward something that might be more practical for his age, like being a PA or Nurse.

Those are both terrific career options, but he couldn’t shake the desire to become a doctor. Despite the fact he was already 30 and would need a few years of pre-reqs before even applying to med school. Despite the fact we were about to have our first child. Despite the fact it would cost a bunch of time and money.

He decided to overcome all those obstacles to pursue a dream that took a long time to discover. I’m so very proud of him for that.

His decision made a whole world of things possible for us.

Becoming a doctor is a big deal. It requires a lot of hard work, discipline, patience, endurance, stamina, commitment, and determination. I can see why so many people don’t do it.

I thought about going to med school when I was first starting my degree in Biology, but I talked myself out of it, not thinking I had what it takes. Andy’s decision to do it and his subsequent success has made me see it is possible! I look back and don’t have regrets at all, but I see that I really could have done it if I wanted it bad enough. That gives me hope that when I do want to do something that seems “too big” or “too hard” I should go for it!

I’m hoping our kids feel like their dreams are more possible when they hear the nuts and bolts of their dad’s brave story. I think his overcoming will inspire them to overcome obstacles to their own dreams. What a cool gift to give your kids…

Ok, so you may be wondering where we could end up. The answer to that is a little complicated…perhaps a visual aid would help.

Yes, I’m a nerd! LOL

Let me break down the visual:

The first year of residency is called an “Intern” year.

Andy could get an OB Intern year (his first choice of all options) and we would likely end up staying in that location (see green box above) for the full 4 year residency.

Andy may have to take a Family Medicine Intern year (see blue box) and then complete 3 years of OB residency in one of the green box locations.

It’s possible that he could be “Civilian Deferred” which means he did not secure a military residency in either Family Med or OB and he would do his full residency here in Michigan (sounds good from the friends and family standpoint, but would be a big bummer for Andy). I don’t think this option is very likely because Andy is a stellar candidate.

It’s also possible that he could get a Family Intern year (see blue box) and then there still wouldn’t be an OB residency spot (green box) for him yet so he could do a 2 year GMO (General Medical Officer) tour (who knows where!) and THEN go on to do his 3 year OB residency.

As you can see, a LOT is up in the air. On Wednesday we are really only learning about our next 1 year (unless he gets an OB intern year which would likely roll right into the other 3 years at the same spot). I’m hoping the more complicated options above are NOT what we get, but I honestly trust God has things in mind for us that will be good no matter what.

Ok, I’ve gone on and on, but you may be wondering what determines where we go.

Let’s look at another visual:

As you can see, a few things come into play. We were able to rank our top 3 choices, but that doesn’t just mean we get one of those. How Andy performed during his interviews and what the Navy needs are both factored in.

At this point I really hope we get Bethesda, MD or Portsmouth, VA because they are in Andy’s preferred specialty and they are on the East Coast so we could drive back to MI to visit.

In 3 days time we’ll know.

Until then, I’m trying to be patient, stay present, and trust God.

I’ll keep you posted!!

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