Three weeks ago I shared that I was freaking out.
With a capital F.
A LOTTT has happened in the last few weeks and I’m starting to feel significantly less anxious.
Although I’ve got to admit this whole thing still seems incredibly surreal. When I realize that it is, in fact, VERY REAL, I feel sad and anxious all over again.
On top of the crazy emotion of our move, I’ve recently been hit relentlessly with other sad and difficult circumstances, one after another. It kind of feels like I’m stuck in a strong ocean current and I keep getting dragged under.
I struggle to get my head above water.
Breathless and eyes burning, I call out to God.
“Lord, I can’t do this. My heart is broken. I feel like a failure and a fool. Help me to know how much you love me. Help me meditate on that and not the sad circumstances or the harsh words of others.”
“I need you, Lord. I need you. Every hour I need you.”
The pain doesn’t disappear, but the head-under-water feeling dies down. I choose to trust Him even when I can’t see Him. I choose to believe He’s good even when circumstances are bad. Little by little these things have built my faith. They’ve anchored me when I feel untethered. They’ve drawn me right to the heart of God which is where I want to be.
I’m now counting them as blessings and not curses.
When my heart isn’t reeling from all of that, we’ve been making strides with our upcoming PCS (Permanent Change of Station) to Maryland.
Andy got the ball rolling by handling the online portion of the process. That included the selection of a moving date (June 15th) and things started to really ramp up from there.
We got home last night from taking a short trip to our new county to find a home.
Thanks to the good Lord and my friend Rochelle (who actually found this place online!), we landed an incredible home! It’s everything I could have hoped for and more. Quiet neighborhood, great (and close!) elementary school, lots of space and natural light, and even a local pool at the end of our block!
I’m honestly humbled to have found something so perfect.
This neighborhood library box is directly across the street from us on our neighbor’s front lawn!
I mean, how cute is that??? It’s like something straight out of a fairy tale!
We are in the process of completing the lease, but once all the i’s have been dotted and t’s have been crossed, I’ll share a picture of our new home.
It’s a huge relief knowing when we are moving and that we have a home to move into, but there is still so much to be done.
The weeks are going to pass more quickly than I’d like them to. My prayer is that I can breathe deeply, trust God fully, abide in peace, and stay present.
I’ve got my work cut out for me!
A preacher I knew used to say, “God, make me a fast learner!” Now it’s my most repeated prayer!
I just discovered your blog via the granuloma story. I’m a 54 year old retired SAHM of one daughter and 3 step-children who lived with us full time. I’ve started noticing the little free libraries popping up around our town (Huntsville, AL).
I look forward to hearing more stories from your life, as I am also at a point where I have to change my eating style. As I write this I am in a guided reboot via Reboot With Joe (.com). Maybe you’ve heard of Joe Cross (Fat, Sick, and nearly Dead on Netflix)? I’ve already printed out your 5-min. avocado chicken wraps recipe which fits the reboot stage I’m in.
Bless you and all you are doing for your family. You are much better equipped than I was at your age.
Jennifer @ WrittenByJennifer says
A library across the street is a dream come true!!
I’m glad things are coming together and you don’t feel like you’re drowning anymore. Can’t wait to read more about adventures. :)