You guys, I am freaking out.
We could be moving NEXT MONTH and I have no idea what’s going on.
Andy finishes school THIS WEEK (where on earth have the past 4 years gone???) and then he leaves in a few weeks for his Navy Officer’s Training in Rhode Island for 5 weeks and ONE WEEK LATER he starts working as a Resident at Walter Reed in Maryland.
Somewhere in there we need to sell our house, find a new house, pack all our crap up and move our whole family to Maryland.
No big deal.
Except it’s a HUGE deal.
In the midst of all that there are graduation parties and weddings and a hundred and one other things that require me to be involved. To be sane. To show up.
And all I want to do is hide.
There are friends who have had new babies and I should be taking a meal. There are friends I haven’t seen in weeks that I should be getting together with. There are friends from my childhood that live nearby and want to hang out and I should be making time. There are texts I should be sending and calls I should be making and important things I should be prioritizing, and all I want to do is hide.
So I’ve been hiding.
Laying low, doing just enough to get by and not always even that much. I’ve been checked out emotionally with my kids and with Andy. I’m hanging on by a thread with God. I’m obsessing over every gram of carbohydrate, fat, and protein that I’m eating (when I’m supposed to be battling a food addiction…UGH) I’m not painting, I am watching countless episodes of Gilmore Girls in my spare time and I’m hoping everything works out, but fearing I’m going to mess it all up.
I know it will all work out, but I also know I have to participate in all of it. I have decisions to make and list items to check off and I’m overwhelmed.
I also think I’m grieving. I think it’s finally setting in that I’m leaving my cute little house, and all of my friends and family and I’m not coming back anytime soon.
Everything is changing and I’m suddenly feeling very ill prepared for it.
So I’m hiding out and freaking out.
If you see me and I’m “off” this is why. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m hoping and praying I will snap out of it, but so far I’m just wallowing in it.
Stay tuned for updates when things actually start getting done and we figure out where and when we are going. In the meantime, I appreciate the extra grace and mercy you may be able to extend.