You guys, I am freaking out.
We could be moving NEXT MONTH and I have no idea what’s going on.
Andy finishes school THIS WEEK (where on earth have the past 4 years gone???) and then he leaves in a few weeks for his Navy Officer’s Training in Rhode Island for 5 weeks and ONE WEEK LATER he starts working as a Resident at Walter Reed in Maryland.
Somewhere in there we need to sell our house, find a new house, pack all our crap up and move our whole family to Maryland.
No big deal.
Except it’s a HUGE deal.
In the midst of all that there are graduation parties and weddings and a hundred and one other things that require me to be involved. To be sane. To show up.
And all I want to do is hide.
There are friends who have had new babies and I should be taking a meal. There are friends I haven’t seen in weeks that I should be getting together with. There are friends from my childhood that live nearby and want to hang out and I should be making time. There are texts I should be sending and calls I should be making and important things I should be prioritizing, and all I want to do is hide.
So I’ve been hiding.
Laying low, doing just enough to get by and not always even that much. I’ve been checked out emotionally with my kids and with Andy. I’m hanging on by a thread with God. I’m obsessing over every gram of carbohydrate, fat, and protein that I’m eating (when I’m supposed to be battling a food addiction…UGH) I’m not painting, I am watching countless episodes of Gilmore Girls in my spare time and I’m hoping everything works out, but fearing I’m going to mess it all up.
I know it will all work out, but I also know I have to participate in all of it. I have decisions to make and list items to check off and I’m overwhelmed.
I also think I’m grieving. I think it’s finally setting in that I’m leaving my cute little house, and all of my friends and family and I’m not coming back anytime soon.
Everything is changing and I’m suddenly feeling very ill prepared for it.
So I’m hiding out and freaking out.
If you see me and I’m “off” this is why. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m hoping and praying I will snap out of it, but so far I’m just wallowing in it.
Stay tuned for updates when things actually start getting done and we figure out where and when we are going. In the meantime, I appreciate the extra grace and mercy you may be able to extend.
I’m on my morning break (pumping for my 4 month old) & feeling overwhelmed …and I saw your post. First of all, I’ll be praying for you and your family. I understand all of those emotions as we moved across country 1.5 years ago. It is so overwhelming. And, you sound like me. Our to do lists for ourselves? They can be (a bit to say the least) suffocating. I’m the best at giving this feedback but not the best at remembering it…God’s lifting you up right now (so as much as you can, try to give God your load), prayers are lifting you up, friends will understand if you can’t make that meal or take time to visit (even though I know it I would be thinking, “But I WANT to see these people…it’s all just overwhelming me so I feel like I can’t do any of it), try to give yourself some grace…and thank you for taking the time to share, to help me remember that other mamas have loads they are juggling, that we are in this together, and that I’m not alone even when that little negative voice tells me that it’s only me who is having a tough time. Big hugs to you.
Kristin, thank you so much for your sweet comment! I so appreciate the encouragement and the solidarity :) I know we are ALL struggling to some degree, but boy is that easy to forget when we mostly see shiny happy Facebook statuses and blog posts. I know God want me to lean more deeply into Him during all of this and I’m praying that I’ll surrender instead of pushing so hard. xoxo
I had similar feelings when I found out we were moving to Long Island. It seemed so abstract until we had an actual move date and then I felt like I was spinning in circles trying to figure out what to do. It’s rough but you’ll get through it…what other choice do you have? Cut yourself a lot of slack, try to incorporate seeing friends with things that need to be done at home…invite someone over to help you sort through the garage or basement and then thank them with dinner (even if it’s pizza). There’s no shame in passing on a party to have some down time. A nice little hack I did was send the kids with grandparents to a family party while I stayed behind for some me time. Hang in there…it’ll work out I promise.
Thank you so much for your comment!! This is all so crazy and on top of that I feel like the world’s dumbest military wife because we’ve never had to PCS before and I have no clue what to do. You are so right that we WILL get through it! I really appreciate your suggestions and kindness :)
Oh my goodness….Girlfriend snap out of it!!! You are equipped for this. God has given you all the tools/resources to make this all go smoothly.. I selfishly want to kidnap you and never let you leave. Sounds to me when Andy leaves that would be my perfect opportunity!!! Keep in mind I am here to help.. and quiet your mind because I know what you are thinking.. “Lady you have too many kids to help”… You just speak the words of what you need and I have it covered… Time alone? Some friend time? Someone to let you just cry on their shoulder? Someone to reassure you got this? I AM HERE!!!! I can only begin to imagine what you are feeling over there but just know these feelings are sooo natural.. One day at a time…Enjoy today!!! Looking at the big picture can be plain overwhelming.. I love you girl!! Just remember I am coming to camp at your new house!! Do we need to plan a house hunting trip? XOXOX I am pretty sure you just need some Rochelle time.. :)
you are such a good friend! are we EVER going to see each other again?????
Girlfriend you’ve got this & I know exactly how you feel! Can I say “no explanation needed!!” I feel I just need to bathe you in encouragement. You are an amazing wife and mom #1. Your world is rockin right now but He just wants you to look up with arms and hands wide open. He’s for your back, enjoy the ride. (I know easier said than done) You have been in a stage of preparation for such a time as this and girl if anyone is strong, determined, adventurous and willing my sweet friend it is you!! The Lord has GREAT things in store for you just wait and see! I pray now a special blessing over you my friend that you feel the arms of warmth and peace of our Heavenly Father wrapped all the way around you my friend, that He goes before you preparing the way and stands alongside you as you take these next steps. I pray when you reach your end His strength will pick you pick and carry you on, in Jesus name I pray amen – xo