Maybe I should start a new series…
Rebecca’s Random Rambling!
Gotta love some alliteration :)
But seriously, I do miss writing about what’s happening in our life.
But I’ll spare you ;)
I did add a new menu item at the top of the blog in case anyone wants to view all of the Whole30 posts later on.
I guess I haven’t written a random update in a while because life feels pretty ordinary these days…
We have adjusted well to life with a baby. In fact, it’s been a much smoother transition than I anticipated! Drew is such a happy and easy going baby. It surprises me almost every day.
I think I also might be a little more laid back this third time around which probably helps things too.
With Grace I was so anxious about every little thing. Her umbilical cord coming off, cutting her tiny little finger nails, whether she’d ever sit up or use a sippy cup (LOL), whether she was color blind (at TWO when she kept mixing up blue and green) and a host of other equally embarrassing things.
Praise Jesus I wasn’t like that with Avery!
But I was still very intense and had unrealistic expectations about what the baby phase was supposed to look like. I pushed hard to get her to sleep through the night, tried hard to space her feedings farther apart and felt like I was supposed to say yes to everything and not let my baby slow me down.
That was all a mistake.
I missed out on the precious and fleeting moments that should be carved out for a new baby. Saying no to meetings and retreats and events and get togethers for a short time during the baby phase is actually a good thing.
After Avery’s infancy I committed to myself not to make the same mistakes, should I have the opportunity to have another baby.
I’m happy to say that, for the most part, I’ve held to that commitment. I hunkered down in the beginning and said no to just about everything. I’ve skipped parties and retreats and saved myself so much stress.
And you know what?
He slept through the night and went to a 4 hour feeding cycle all on his own. Without me pushing at all! It’s nuts I tell you. NUTS.
I’m not complaining though! This easy baby thing totally ROCKS.
People keep asking whether we’re “done” and I find it weird that so many people asked that as soon as Drew was born. And they keep asking!
At this point, our heart is really for adoption.
God put that desire in my heart in the most unlikely way and it’s only grown stronger. I know there are no guarantees and that some of the most loving families have wanted to adopt and it hasn’t worked out, so I’m really trying to leave it all in God’s hands. I trust that if he has a child(ren) in mind for us and we trust Him to get us from A to B, He will.
If he doesn’t, we’ll continue to support adoption by contributing to others who are on the path to bringing home the children God has for them.
So we aren’t “done” yet. Not because we have “our boy” or have our hands full. I really believe there are other children out there or coming some day that are meant to be a part of our family. I get antsy and anxious thinking about it, but I truly do believe that if we’re open and willing to obey, God will handle the rest.
I started this post last week and got interrupted before posting it, so I’m back today to finish it off…
It’s interesting to me how everything I said above is still true, and nothing dramatic has happened, but I find myself in such a different place this week.
I was so looking forward to preparing for Easter by quieting my heart and life during Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter Sunday).
But instead of it being a Holy Week, it was a HOLY CRAP I’M SO BUSY week.
Anxiety set up camp in my heart and tormented me all week. I’m only now getting some relief from it after much prayer from my beloved husband and much reaching out to God despite not really wanting to reach out.
What’s up with THAT?
I know He’s the only one who can give me peace and joy, yet sometimes I’d rather wallow in my own pity party. Sometimes I want to stew about the things that are upsetting me rather than turning them over to Him and choosing to abide in Christ.
And I just don’t understand why.
Thankfully I’m well aware of what a lost sheep I am. Remembering my weakness prompted me to ask God to help me ask Him for help.
That’s how dependent I need to become.
And boy do I fight it!
Like a stubborn toddler I’m always shouting, “I do it!”
On my own.
Without you, God.
It’s no wonder I get myself into such muddy puddles.
I’m so grateful for his never-ending love and mercy.
Lord knows I need it every day! The ones where things are working out as well as the ones where they aren’t.