I used to be really on the ball.
Like I was perched at the very top of the ball, decked out in a cheerleading outfit, waving pom poms in a victory dance of how great I was at keeping everything together.
I was mostly like this at work.
You know, where they paid me to be awesome.
At home I did a decent job of keeping up with things, but always used the excuse that I’d be really on top of things around the house someday when I stayed home.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
That’s so funny.
I’m basically not on the ball anymore. In fact, the ball has rolled on top of me and I’m all red-faced and out-of-breath under the weight of it.
I am a stay-at-home mom of only two children and I cannot seem to remain in control of anything lately.
It’s not that I’m busy all day doing things and I just run out of time.
It’s not even that I have such a high standard to maintain that I am letting little things slip and it’s getting dusty around here.
Nope.
I have developed a cross-breed of something that resembles ADD/OCD/Analysis Paralysis.
I get distracted each time I start to tackle something, then I obsess over how much needs to be done, and get frozen trying to think of the best system to handle this issue from now until eternity.
No pressure.
The result is that I’m keeping my head above water, but nothing is really getting done as well as it should be. My kids are alive and attended to, my house isn’t about to be condemned and this blog is eeking by with a post or two each week.
BUT NOTHING IS EXCELLENT.
Grace’s recent Nutcracker performance (was a disaster, but that’s another post!) almost put me over the edge.
Each week at her regular dance class I would get sheets of paper full of instructions, dates, times and costume details and my eyes would just glaze over.
I’d crumple the sheets into the diaper bag where I promised myself I’d retrieve them later to figure out what was going on, but I never did! I would just show up each week feeling totally lost and asking everyone all kinds of questions that were probably answered in all of those blasted info sheets!
Who am I?
Where is the BEAST who kept track of 2o people’s schedules at work and still came home and took care of business?
I miss her.
She was pretty awesome.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m kind of a feast or famine gal. Things have always drifted for a little while but then I’d get into a groove and whip everything into shape in an amazing way.
Lately?
Not so much.
I think I’ve been using the excuse that I’m trying to be ok with just “being” and not trying to “perform” all the time to prove myself or feel like I’m earning my worth.
But I really think I’ve just gotten kind of lazy.
That maybe I’ve always had these kind of obstacles, but I’ve just pushed past them and gotten crap done anyway.
Just because I’m not getting a paycheck and trying to prove myself in a job outside the house doesn’t mean it’s ok to let everything go and just claim that I’m a disorganized mess.
Plus, I don’t want to live in a state of worry about everything that isn’t being done well or at all. I want to be a good steward of all God has blessed me with and I want to organize my time and efforts so that I’m able to do more with what I have.
Last night when I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep, I decided that I might just need to be old fashioned and write everything down.
Like Kip in Napoleon Dynamite, “I love technology” but for whatever reason, I haven’t been able to get my act together using the calendar or list making apps on my phone. The alerts come at the most inopportune times and I dismiss them and never think about them again.
That’s not good when it comes to things like acknowledging family birthdays or monthly charitable donation commitments.
Not good at all.
Oy.
So, I think it’s back to paper and ball point pen for this gal. I’m going to get a very very simple paper calendar and write everything down.
All birthdays. A blog post schedule. Cleaning schedule. Bill due dates. Fitness goals.
You name it.
It’s all getting written down old-school style.
I’ll let you know how this works out.
My alternative plan is to get a big, fat, stinky permanent marker and mark up a poster board to hang on the fridge.
At least the paper calendar is subtle.
Wish me luck!
**Also, how do YOU stay organized? Keep the clutter at bay? Stay on top of birthdays and other important dates? I’d love to get tips from all of you!
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels like everything is just spinning out of control. I rely so much on technology but when it comes to getting (and staying) organized paper and pen seems to be the most effective.
I’m hoping Santa brings me a new planner so I can get back on track.
I’m also going to make a list of things that I want to accomplish in 2014 and then develop a strategy to do so. I need to realize that I can’t accomplish EVERYTHING all at once, so I’ll have to prioritize. I think it’s important to give yourself small and large goals. Small things to keep you feeling a sense of accomplishment and large goals to really knock things off your list.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot. In fact, a few days ago (I didn’t read the post until today), I was at a store and prompted to buy you a tiny gift… God knows you and cares about the details of your life:)
I have a paper planner too, same issues with my phone. I do keep a calendar in there but mostly for meal planning (when that actually happens). I think there’s some connection between writing things down and remembering them more clearly. Love the image of laying face-down squished under the ball. I’d feel the same way except that I don’t even expect myself to have anything together right now b/c how can I keep a house clean when I can’t even see my toes?
The bursts of frustration and activity will keep coming and going but the good news is that your identity is stable, right? You aren’t your clean house or your messy house, or your spiral notebook or your simple paper calendar, you’re a daughter, bought at a price. Holla.
Im with the others not to beat yourself up. Some days I feel so unorganized its not even funny but I know that days will pass and at the end of the day the important thing is your family :)
Universal problem Rebecca, so don’t beat yourself up. I think organizational skill is a spiritual gift! Uncle Ed uses a calendar book and small tablet. He writes down everything. I bought a small dry erase board at Target that has only one week on it. Kate puts her schedule and Nora’s activities. We put our events. That’s all I care to keep track of, otherwise I’d dry myself nuts! One of my favorite sayings around here is “people function better in order. ” It’s really true. Keep on trying….love you!
I feel like I could have written parts of this post! Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone in feeling scattered. I love bins too and am hoping to get up early to do some overdue organizing. Good luck with your lists!
At work you used a spiral notebook. Everything was written down and crossed off as accomplished.
Nice post.
You will figure it all out. I know you, there is just adjustment needed during this reconfiguration stage.
Stay organized? HAHA I am still trying to figure that out. One thing I was super proud of is I tend to always have papers piled on my kitchen table and it was driving me crazy so I simply bought a very small hanging folder holder and a few folders and organized the folders with subject such as : Receipts, Sadie homework, coupons.. etc.. The best thing I have done in a long time and every time I look at it.. it just makes me Smile and ask myself why did it take me so long to think of this. Only think I have done in 5 years but I am proud haha.. I think if you visit with me it will make your world so much better and less stressful!! :) Just my thought :)