I guess I don’t really have writer’s block necessarily.
It’s more like general anxiety over what to write.
Which sounds silly as soon as I sit here and type it out, but it’s honest.
I love this blog. I really do.
I love posting recipes and things God is teaching me and the general everydayness of my life.
But once in a while I feel kind of paralyzed about what to write.
I feel like I should be posting recipes several times a week so that I can be a food blogger and grow my reach online. The spinach artichoke pasta recipe that I posted has been pinned over 11,000 times which blows my mind.
But then I feel like God is teaching me so many incredible things and I want to share those too.
And then I think about how much I love to read blogs about people’s lives….what their kids are up to, the outfits they are wearing, how they are preparing for the holidays, and that kind of stuff.
So I just don’t write.
I look at the laptop sitting on the counter and I sigh and walk by it.
Wanting to write the perfect thing or post the next big recipe, but feeling overwhelmed that I don’t have the right stuff to put out there.
Motherhood is taking just about every ounce of my effort lately. My girls are so good and generally sweet, but they require much of me. Physically, emotionally, spiritually they draw from me all day. Every day.
I feel like an over-milked cow who just wants to find a pile of hay and lay down.
And I’m not even nursing either of my kids!
It’s like emotional breastfeeding. Lol
God is drawing me more and more to Himself in these long, draining days. I know that His presence is all around me and that He has the power I need.
It’s taking me less time to relinquish control and ask Him for an extra measure of mercy and grace for my children.
That’s a victory for a control freak like me.
And, at the end of the day, I’m so grateful for where I’m at in life. Even when the girls soil the third outfit of the day and have to go potty as soon as I sit down for a late lunch and the house that I JUST CLEANED is in shambles. I’m glad I get to be here for it all.
Walks around the autumn-colored neighborhood in the middle of the day on a Tuesday and morning snoozes while the baby naps and Grace plays nearby are blessings that I don’t want to overlook just because I’m restless and drained.
These days pass quickly, as everyone tells me. I know the parenting part only gets harder as they grow up, and I know that as hard as I try I will never be able to do it perfectly.
So for now, I wake up each day and try to surrender sooner. I look for things to be grateful for rather than focusing on all the hard parts.
And I blog it out. As disorganized as these thoughts are, it feels good to get them out.