Dear Jeanne,
You went home to be with Jesus one week ago today, and when Andy called me in tears just moments after you died, I realized what a profound loss your death would be for all of us.
You know the saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”?
You are gone, and I’m now feeling the gravity of what a special woman you have always been.
Oh how I wish we would have had more time together!
Time not tainted with cancer’s theft. The brain tumor you battled for over a decade robbed you of your fullest life and it robbed us of the whole of who you were.
I want you to know that I’m sorry I misunderstood you so much of the time.
You and I were probably about as different as two people can be.
You were quiet, selfless, and demure.
I am loud, selfish, and brazen.
So many times I’d watch you bite your tongue when people would bowl you over.
I’d get agitated and wish that you would fight back…put them in their place and stand your ground.
Regrettably, I often saw your response (or lack thereof) as wrong. I wanted you to be more bold….more outspoken…more me.
I failed to see that you were making a choice to defer to someone else. I believe it was most often out of love or respect for the other person…like you knew God was your defender and “blessed are the meek”.
You knew meek didn’t mean weak.
Your meekness was, in fact, deep strength.
Any old buffoon (me) can stomp their feet and demand to be heard.
But it takes a woman of strength to quietly respond in love.
Oh how I admire that now. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it then.
Can I chalk any of my ignorance up to my youth?
I think you’d wink and let me if I asked you face to face :)
You weren’t always quiet though…sometimes you were real feisty.
I loved those times.
You’d shoot off a zinger at someone who had it coming, and they almost didn’t know what to do with it.
Quiet little Jeanne had gotten a word in edgewise and it was a good, sharp one.
Those times were reminiscent of the sassy young woman who liked a good cigar, cheap wine and a fast ride in her Firebird :)
I honestly believe you were God’s special gift to Tom Gould.
Hearing the stories last week of how it looked like it was all going to end before it even began, I’m so grateful God had a plan for the Gould family and that it involved you.
When I heard about the time (right after you started dating) that you were making lunch for him and the girls and he got a phone call from a hysterical ex-girlfriend and didn’t know what to do so he HANDED THE PHONE TO YOU, I about died. The fact you took the call from that girl and smoothed things over in your calm and quiet way just blew my mind.
If I had been your friend at the time, I would have told you to run for your life! That this guy and his crazy situation was just too much. That the smart thing to do would be to get the hell out of dodge!
But God had other things in mind.
He wanted to weave a messy story into a thing of beauty for His purpose and He used you.
If you had walked out the door that day and never looked back, my entire life would be different.
I am eternally grateful you decided to stick around, even after all that. You gave me the most beautiful gifts I’ve ever received…a wonderful husband and two beautiful little girls. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m so mad you’ve been battling that stupid brain tumor the entire time I’ve been married to Andy.
I have memories of you from when I was in high school and college, but as hard as I try to focus in on them, they just aren’t as clear as I want them to be.
I do know you opened your home to as many teenagers as your boys would ever show up with. Any time. Day or night. We were all welcome and your home felt like home to us too.
You let us eat your snacks and take over your living room, dining room, kitchen and basement. Sometimes all at the same time, edging you out of your own space. We’d wrestle on your furniture. We were loud and rambunctious and most likely annoying. But you never gave us a grumpy look about it. We never felt like you were waiting for us to go home.
Nope, you smiled your sweet smile at us, listened to whatever we rambled on about and gave tender hugs whenever someone needed one.
I love how you conveniently had a ton of laundry to do on Friday nights. You’d walk down the basement stairs carrying a baske of whites so you could sneak a side glance at all the teenage couples cozied up under blankets on the couches in the basement.
You weren’t obvious about it, but you provided a non-threatening accountability for us not to engage in any shenanigans on your watch. Thank you for that :)
You accepted and loved each one of us exactly where we were and at the same time you held a high standard for us all. It never felt like you expected us to change or be something that we weren’t, but we knew you wanted the best for each of us and it made us want it too.
I want our home to be that way for every one of our children’s friends. I want my doors and cupboards and couches and refrigerators to be open to any and every friend my children bring home. I want to continue the legacy of hospitality you modeled because it brought so much encouragement to each of us and it glorified God in such a special way.
As soon as our friends from high school got word you had gone home, they flooded our Facebook feeds with kind words, memories and testaments of what you meant to them. All these years later, they remembered what a special woman you were and what a welcoming place your home was for each of us.
And then there is my favorite thing you did…bring two special boys into this world.
You raised these boys into men who are wonderful husbands and fathers and who carry with them your quiet strength and selfless love for others. They are so smart yet they continually pursue learning, they work hard, they love their families, they love God and they are a gift to all who know them.
I hope to raise children who are even half as wonderful as the four you poured your life into and who have been blessed to call you mom.
Poor Brad had to be participating in Movember this month…but I know his mustache would have made you chuckle :)
Then there are the 13 precious little blessings who called you Grandma, Gram, Mimi and Gigi. Four different names for one precious grandmother :)
I’m going try my darndest to make sure each one of them hears stories about who you were and what you liked and how much you loved each of them. You can count on me to talk about you every time I have a glass of wine, a margarita, a Krispy Kreme donut, a chocolate covered cherry or any one of the many rich treats you loved :)
That tumor may have taken you from us early, but I have great hope and joy that we get to spend all of eternity with you.
Until we see you in Glory, sweet Jeanne…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories of Jeanne. You summed up for everyone what a special, beautiful and selfless person Jeanne was. Your vulnerability and transparency, as well as the profound memories you shared are such a blessing to read. Whenever Craig and I were around Jeanne, she was such a life-giving gentle Spirit-filled woman, and we were always truly blessed by her presence… Praying for all of you and we will see you at the memorial service and wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see all of you. With tears, love and hugs…
Wow, Rebecca. What a great tribute to her. Maybe you should speak at the Michigan Memorial.
I think that is an awesome idea Tom! :)
Rebecca this is an awesome tribute to a beautiful godly woman… It is amazing how much we can learn from people even though they are gone! I aspire to be more like Jeanne, she was a wonderful godly example to us… You have such a gift to be able to articulate about her life and God in a way that honors them both. I am so proud of you…
I love you,
Mom
Beautiful words for an obviously beautiful woman. I’m certain she was quite proud of you! Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for reading and for your very kind comment :)
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing Rebecca.
Thanks Carrie :)
oh rebecca. this is such a beautiful tribute and powerful testimony to a special woman. I know she knew your love while she was here. Can’t wait to meet her someday. xoxo
thank you so much melody. she was a wonderful woman and i know you’ll love meeting her :)
A beautiful tribute Rebecca to a woman who I wish I’d have known better as well. So thankful for the wonderful son she leaves who I do get to know and love better. Thanks for challenging us all to love more deeply and to be intentional about the important people in our lives. Love you so….
thank you AB! i love you so much and have appreciated your support and encouragement. we are all so blessed by her legacy…especially the Andy part :)
Rebecca and Andy,
I’m terribly sorry for your pain. It is so unfair to have our loved ones stolen from us because of illness. But I believe the same as you, we will see each other again.
She sounded like a wonderful woman who left an indelible mark on many people.
I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.
thank you so much jennifer. i’m so glad this post have given people a glimpse into who she was :)
Oh, what a beautiful tribute to such an amazing woman! I wish I knew her… but even though I didn’t, I can learn from her still, from what you shared here. You reminded me how silence can be powerful, especially in the heated moments where I just want to blurt back something (anything!) that I shouldn’t, even though I feel that I have the right to. It honors God more, I believe, and I’m glad this reminded me of that. I’m sorry if I’m muddled on my wording… I’m a little teary-eyed, thinking of what you must be feeling, and what the rest of the family is going through right now, missing this dear, precious woman. My heart is with you all, and so are my prayers. Thank you for sharing this, Rebecca. xoxo
oh ruth thank you for your wonderful words! you are so sweet and i know you have experienced more than your share of loss in these past few years. praise God we have heaven to look forward to and that we can learn so much from those who followed God before us :) love you girl!
What a beautiful post Rebecca….she sounds like an amazing women
thank you rochelle, she certainly was :)
Thank you love, this was beautiful!
thank you babe. it means so much that you enjoyed it!
Oh, and I love the photos! She’s a real life Charlie’s Angel!
I love that and so would she!
Thank you, Rebecca, for these wonderful stories. So many of us are grateful to have had her in our lives – what a joy to have her so close to you! So many tears are flowing as I read and type. I imagine they are multiplied in your home and the rest of the families’ – so much love and peace being prayed your way.
You do not know me, I follow your blog. Just read about your mother-in-law, so sorry for tour family’s loss.
thank you so much corrine! i appreciate you reading my blog and taking the time to comment :)
Thank you for this Rebecca. I traveled down memory lane reading this myself. Remembering all the after JAM parties at the Gould’s home, the red front door, the weekly bible reading Andy and I did in the breezeway room, cigars out back, red wing games, etc. I sent a text to Brad the day she passed, that read something along the following lines..
I had just broken up with Bethany Greenhow, and I was in tears. Not at the fact that we had ended things, but at the fear that I would always be alone. Mrs. Gould saw me at the old Paradox with my sunglasses on, and knew I was crying. She didn’t ask me what was wrong, and just hugged me. After a few seconds, I went to pull away, and she just held on tighter, and she told me God has it taken care of already.
That is my sad / but very deep memory I will always cherish with her. I love the Gould family more then most other families I have ever known, and I am so thankful to have had her in my life as well as Andy and Brad.
I just wanted to share that with you. Miss you guys very much, and honestly, I can’t wait to hug you guys. I’m getting tearful just typing this, so heads up, I might cry when I see you guys. :-) Love you guys very much.
this was so awesome, jason. SO AWESOME. your story summed her up so well! thanks so much for vulnerably sharing your moment with her. it was such a treasure for me to read :)