About a month ago, I posted about how I was coming to grips with the fact that I’m not going to be able to do everything I want to do in a day.
That realization kind of smacked me in the face like a 2×4 after spending day upon day being hurried and frustrated.
I kept waking up with a mental checklist, and I’d grow increasingly frustrated when it wasn’t getting it checked off fast enough or at all.
Praise God for teaching us beautiful lessons despite ourselves :)
In the four weeks since that post I’ve come to the realization that I might not be getting all the items checked off my To Do list, but what I am doing is reaping eternal dividends.
I may not be getting to the produce market on Monday like I planned, but I’m getting there on Tuesday afternoon after slowing down on Monday to play more puzzles with Grace and snuggle Avery just a little longer before nap time.
I might not have all the laundry washed, dried and put away by Tuesday, but I somehow wrap it up before Friday night anyway, and I think back fondly to the time I spent laying on the floor in Avery’s room playing with the girls and all the baby toys that Aves is just now discovering and that Grace thinks are brand new even though they’ve just been packed up since she was a wee one.
I’m not blogging as much as I used to or as much as I’d like to, but instead of sitting in front of the blue hue of the computer monitor, I’m staring into the blue eyes of my precious little girls and I’m soaking up the moments that will be gone before I know it. I’m letting them know that they are more important than my social media status. They are more important than whatever words I’m itching to pluck out on the keyboard.
I spend a lot of time in the kitchen prepping food, making meals, cleaning up. Usually surrounded by a sweet tiara-clad princess who loves to watch me work and a precious little butterball baby who vacillates between watching me and following the every move of her big sister.
The things I’m spending my time doing are not glamorous. They are often unnoticed or taken for granted. They won’t win me any accolades or popularity contests, but they are eternal.
Caring for my husband and my children is the primary mission that God has called me to in this season of my life. And it’s one that I joyfully accept. I had a fantastic career for 10 years, and I’m so proud of my accomplishments and the gift I was able to give my family by working full time to support us until Andy was able to join the Navy and start medical school.
But this chapter of my life is one that beckons me to die to myself every day.
To encourage and cheer on my husband as he ferociously chases his dream. Whether it be by packing his lunch each night, making sure the oil gets changed or mowing the lawn, I feel privileged to be his help-mate and to make sure the pesky little things are taken care of so that he can give his attention to his studies and spend his free time enjoying us :)
To love and care for my girls, making sure they are kissed and hugged and disciplined and encouraged. To make sure they are nourished with good, healthy foods and that they are given opportunities to explore and grow.
But the secret of dying to myself each day is this…
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39
Sure I could probably push and strive harder to accomplish more and even look like I’m doing it all, but something would have to give. It always does. And I refuse to let my family be the thing that gives.
So I might be putting some of my desires on the shelf for now (or at least until bed time :), but if this is the season of life that I believe God has called me to, then it is worth it.
So worth it.
He sees every meal that I make and every bottom that I wipe and every shirt that I wash and every dish that I scrub.
He knows when my heart is tuned to Him and how it’s those times that it all becomes a form of worship.
And I know that there will be plenty of time when my children are grown. Time for me to invest in all of the things that I want to do.
I also know that the seemingly mundane things I’m choosing to focus on now are paying eternal dividends.
And that gives me the encouragement to let go of the rest :)