People, My Face Is Falling Apart!

Or, if I do decide that they are worthy of a treatment, it’s generally some kind of all-natural home remedy.

Remember the chelitis and crazy armpit breakouts?

Yeah, I’m all kinds of stubborn.  Especially when it comes to modern medicine.  Probably because of my crazy theories about pharmaceutical companies trying to rule the universe.

So about 2 months ago, or maybe longer, I started getting these itchy, red patches around my eyes.  I would scratch and scratch and they’d burn and burn.  It was a vicious cycle.

I chalked it up to stress.  Isn’t that what we blame everything on?  I mean, besides Obama.

The patches died down a little and I kept plodding along. 

Then they flared up.  With a vengeance!

I’m talking red, swollen, flakey, itchy, burning patches of skin.  All over my eyelids.

This is one of my eyes on a good day.

You know how a sore throat can make you almost crazy because you can’t ignore it?  Every swallow is like pure torture but your only other option is drooling, so you endure the torture.

This is kind of like that, but maybe worse.

Every blink makes them itch.  Every scratch makes them burn.  Every flake makes them itch more and then there’s more scratching and more burning.

I feel like I may go out of my mind at any moment.

Any normal person would march into a dermatologist’s office to get treated.  But not me…

I still haven’t done the 48 hour patch test that the doctor recommended when I saw him for the chelitis.  I pretty much got my prescription for the ointment, felt some relief and called it a day.  So, how can I go back for another issue when I didn’t follow his instructions for the first thing?

Instead, I’ve slathered my eyes in coconut oil, olive oil, calendula ointment and cocoa butter hoping that something would make it go away.  Sadly, none of my home remedies have cured me.  Some of them provide a little short-term relief, but ultimately the irritation keeps coming back.

::sad trombone::

Something has to be done.  I just can’t live like this.  Especially because the red patches have spread to my forehead and my temples and behind my ears.

I think I’m going to do the stupid patch test this weekend (i.e. put samples of all my lip gloss, toothpaste, etc on my inner arm under band-aids and check them after 48 hours to see if any of them irritated my skin).  For the record I don’t think my toiletries are the problem, but whatevs.

Then on Monday morning I’m going to make an appointment for this eye problem. 

I’m beside myself about the whole situation and am now so desperate for relief that I’m going to the doctor.  Again.

What am I??? 90?