The Duggar Skirt

This post is proof that I have no shame.  I’m calling myself out on something pretty embarrassing.

I own a Duggar Skirt.

Not a skirt worn by an actual Duggar, although I’m sure it would get Michelle’s stamp of approval.

It’s long, black and shapeless.  Did I mention long?

It’s the kind of skirt that could be used as a tent if you were in a pinch.  You’d want to be wearing it when the helicopter dropped you off at the deserted island for Season 45 of Survivor.

There’s enough material to fashion clothing for your whole team and pitch a tent.

You could SO camp under this thing!

So, we’ve established that it’s big.  And shapeless.  And modest.

Totally Duggar-style.

Why do I have such a skirt?

Because back in 1996, I was flipping through an Eddi Bauer catalog and it nearly jumped off the page at me.  It was the perfect versatile wardrobe element.  I could wear it to work…I could wear it to church…it would never go out of style!

Maybe I should have realized that it was never in style, but the pretty, slim model that was gracing the pages of the catalog wooed me into thinking it was timeless and elegant.

So, I shelled out $79 + shipping to make it my own.  I think back in those days you filled out a paper order form and enclosed a check.  Wow, maybe I really am Laura Ingalls.

2-3 weeks later, my skirt arrived.  I still can’t figure out why I ordered a large because I was a solid small to medium back in those days (except for maybe my height).  Shout out to the tall girls!

Eddie Bauer since 1920, because that’s when these Duggar skirts were in fashion! Size large for added length!

I remember the first time I wore it.  Because I was home-schooled, work was one of the only chances I had to gussy up in case any cute guys were going to see me, so that’s where it made its debut.

Had the cute guys actually noticed me, they probably would have pointed me in the direction of the nearest convent, but I was sure they’d pick up on how elegant and chic I was in my new black skirt.

The skirt is made of a rayon/nylon/spandex blend and has a ::gulp:: elastic waistband.  It just gets worse and worse as I describe the details, doesn’t it?

The elastic was completely unnecessary and hung low on my slim hips.  This just served to make the skirt even longer than it already was.

It was so long, in fact, that I had to roll the waistband several times to get the hem up off the floor.  Thankfully we wore shoes with chunky soles in those days.  The added height was a welcome relief.

I worked in the radiology file room at our local hospital.  I spent my afternoons among other women young and old as well as a team of radiologists (mostly middle aged) and a crew of hot, young guys who were transporters.  (The burly dudes who get patients from place to place around the hospital)

I don’t remember any transporters making comments, but one of the doctors asked what I was hiding under there and why a young thing like me was wearing such a long skirt!

::Blushing::

You’d think I might have died on the spot or at least been swayed to return the skirt.  Or have it hemmed.  But, no.  I continued to wear it.  Pretending it was the chic skirt of my imagination rather than the Duggar skirt of my reality.

This is before the Duggars were even on TV, so I have an excuse for not realizing it was so bad, right?

Fast forward 5 years.  I still had the skirt and wore it.

Fast forward another 5 years.  Now I’m 26, still with the skirt.  AND STILL WEARING IT.

Fast forward another 3 years.  Now I’m 29, still with the skirt.  AND STILL WEARING IT!

In my defense, it’s insanely comfortable.  It’s soft, and stretchy and accommodating to a large pregnant belly.  AND, it’s so long that said belly doesn’t even make it any shorter!

So, against my better judgement, and the harsh warning from my sister to “never be seen wearing it in public, or private or ever!” I continued to wear it.

I wore it to work and to run errands.  I dressed it up with boots and dressed it down with flip flops.  All the while pretending it was stylish and versatile and timeless when it was really 110% DUGGAR!

One last highlight before I show it to you…

Our friends Dave and Marie were at our house hanging out one night.  Somehow the topic of my skirt came up and in typical fashion I was defending it by throwing out all of my standard lines, “I paid $80 for it 15 years ago!  It’s so comfortable!  It goes with everything!  Andy doesn’t think it’s so bad!”

I should have been saying, “Who the hell pays $80 for an ugly skirt in 1996? Style should trump comfort when you plan to leave the house!  It doesn’t go with anything!  Andy has to be kind, he’s my husband!”

Dave and Marie agreed that I should try it on for them, so I marched out of the room, put it on along with the sweater I wore with it to work that very day and came back into the room to get their opinion.

No sooner had I rounded the corner than Dave burst into laughter!

Mind you, he’s a pretty reserved guy for the most part.  Not really one to rock the boat or bowl you over with his opinion, but it made such an impression on him that he practically cried he was laughing so hard.

Being the good sport that I am, I was able to laugh at myself too.  But I have to say that I hung up the skirt that night and haven’t worn it since.

Dave’s reaction knocked some sense into me and I realized that it was time to retire the Duggar threads.

I’m ashamed to say that 2 years later it still hangs in my closet.  My inner hoarder is terrified that I’ll get rid of it and then “need” it one day.  Or it will come back in style.  Or I could alter it to make it more current.

I really need to duct tape the mouth of the hoarder inside me.  That girl wants to bury me alive in my own junk!

So, here it is.  My very own, 15 year old, $80 Duggar Skirt in all its glory:

Get a load of the length!

Dressed up for work!

So flirty!

So causal!

Dressed down with flip flops!

So what is it for you?  Do you have a hideous item of clothing that you can’t bear to part with?  Do you stay on top of purging all your old clothes or do you hoard them like me for “some day”?

I want to know I’m not alone!

Disclaimer: No Duggars were harmed in the making of this post.