Yesterday was a big day for me guest posting over at Hormonal Imbalances. I was super excited to have the opportunity to post for one of my favorite bloggers. It was seriously cool of Diana to share her corner of the internet with me for the day!
It was also a big day for me because I’ve had this blog for almost 7 years but have kept it on the down low for the most part. Sure my mom, aunt and a few friends read it, but otherwise I’ve been somewhat private about it.
Putting yourself out there is scary.
To be completely honest, I guard parts of who I am from people in my life. There is a saying that goes, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” As true as this is, I find it nearly impossible to believe it 100% of the time.
How often do we give someone what they want from us rather than just being ourselves?
No? That’s just me?
In my family we call it “playing the game”. Sometimes it’s akin to telling a white lie…Grandma doesn’t really need to know that you hated the sweater she bought you for Christmas, right?
Other times it’s just flat out codependency.
I wrote about “playing the game” a few years ago and find myself battling with it on an ongoing basis.
Would I actually rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not? Deep down, I know the answer is yes. I want to be who I am. I think who I am is pretty decent. I have things to offer. I care about others. I want to grow more and more into the person God created me to be.
Sure I have rough edges and personality warts and unpopular opinions, but who doesn’t?
Should I let that hold me back from doing something I love and sharing it with others? I don’t think so.
I’ve decided to let the cat blog out of the bag. I shared it on Diana’s blog, I posted it to Facebook (scary!), I tweeted about it and I dished out the cash for a ticket to BlogHer11. I finally have the balls to see where I might be able to go with it.
If I make one person chuckle, or get one mom to feel confident about trying a new recipe or if my honesty can help just one person feel like they’re not alone in feeling the way they do, then it’s totally going to be worth it.
I totally get that fear. I'm torn daily about wanting people to read and then wanting no one to know I write at all. And it's scary walking around wondering if someone's read your latest confessions of the heart.
I really loved your guest post Rebecca and I look forwarding to reading more of your blog:]
Toats! Just letting you know I'm reading : )
I love the way you write sweetie; so easy to read, but deeply challenging. Totally found a lot of what you said here ringing true in my soul! Need to recommit myself to being more true to who I am and not just what I know people expect me to be.
I am so thankful that I am not too proud to learn from my my kids…. Rebecca you inspire me to be a better person. I love you to the moon and back!!!
Hi, here from Hormonal Imbalances. I loved your post! I love how you were so real about marriage, my hubs and I got married young as well and have had our ups and downs, I've always been to chicken to write about any of the downs. I look forward to reading your blog.