It’s 2:19am and I should totally be in bed, but we had a crazy evening (which included an almost 4 hour nap for me) so I’m up.
I haven’t made any veggie-rific dishes in the past day or so, so I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts not dealing with food ;)
I’m not sure why I thought I had a clue about life with a child before I actually had one, but I did. I thought I had a clue. I thought that because I’d done so much babysitting and because I’d helped raise my brother and sister, that I actually knew how it would be. I. Was. Wrong.
It’s funny how the entire process has been SO different than I expected…
I thought I’d be one of those glowing pregnant ladies who loved every minute of the process. I wasn’t and I didn’t. I was nauseated and stricken with heartburn for the entire duration. I swelled up like a balloon from fat and fluid. I wasn’t glowing…I was moaning. Every time I moved I made a sound…it was crazy.
I thought I’d have a textbook labor and delivery. I didn’t. I had high blood pressure which resulted in an induction 2 weeks before my due date.
I thought labor would be painful, but that it wouldn’t be THAT big of a deal since I’m so tough. It was. I’ve never experienced anything so tough in my life. I made it without any drugs, but barely. I had visions of an epidural and a c-section. Just to make the pain go away. Just to GET THE BABY OUT ALREADY! By the grace of God, though, I did it.
I thought the newborn phase would be a cinch. For the first week and a half it wasn’t bad…she slept a bunch and was eating well. The hardest part of that phase was handling all the phone calls and visitors. But then, after the second week, it got tough. She got fussy and demanding and uncomfortable. Turns out it was probably a combo of gas and mild reflux, but it totally threw me for a loop. Thank the Lord for Colic Calm Gripe Water.
I thought since Grace was a girl, she would be a super easy baby. My mom has always told me all these stories about how Ellen and I were such good babies. We’d lay on blankets for hours cooing and playing while she got things done. We weren’t fussy, but rather ate and slept beautifully. We were SO easy! Unlike John Paul who was wiggly and demanding and high maintenance from the start. Turns out Grace is a bit more like Uncle John than Aunt Ellen.
I thought that after reading Baby Wise I would be able to wave a magic wand and Grace would be on the perfect 3 hour schedule. I was wrong. I’ve been working at it for 3 weeks now and it’s still not perfect. Some days she eats on schedule, some days she doesn’t. She never quite naps on schedule and she’s not about to let some book dictate her little life. She’s a tough cookie.
I thought I’d be the mom with the cute outfits, painted finger nails and styled hair. I’m not. I’m the mom who’s still wearing maternity clothes. Usually with food spilled on the shirt. I haven’t painted my nails since before the baby and I don’t plan to because I just can’t be bothered. My idea of a hair style is a pony tail…and not even a cute one.
I thought I’d be able to juggle housekeeping, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, gardening and mothering. I can’t. My house isn’t clean, I don’t make dinner every night, I grocery shop little by little as we run out of things, my laundry isn’t folded, and my garden is weedy. And as far as juggling goes…no way! It’s more like DROPPING! I drop EVERYTHING! Here are a few examples (for laughs): dropped $5.30 bottle of A1 (why’s it SO expensive?!) on the driveway shattering it before it ever made it into the house. I then cut my finger while cleaning it up/dropped boiling pasta water on my pants while draining pasta into the sink/dropped wine all over the counter while moving wine glass to the dinner table/dropped cup of water all over living room rug while trying to take a drink during breastfeeding session/dropped plastic teething keys on poor little Grace’s head while trying to entertain her with them during a diaper change/drop phone and ipod daily/drop remote controls hourly/drop food on my shirt, pants or baby at every meal and on and on and on.
BUT even though nothing has been like I thought it would be, I’m very grateful to God for the blessing that Grace is in my life. Her sweet little face and precious spirit warm my heart. This is the beginning of a long journey that will, no doubt, be totally different than I ever imagined, but probably the best thing for me.
I love you Graciebear.
Oh Rebecca, I absolutely LOVE this post! You put everything I'm feeling too into words so perfectly! You are definitely not alone in any of what you are experiencing/feeling! I'm glad there's someone going thru all the same stuff at the same time as me! We'll get through this challenge (and on to the next)! If not, we both have amazing husbands who are there to drag us through it to the other side, haha!!
Okay… I was just at your house and you fed me delicious homemade zucchini bread, I was impressed at how shiny and clean your bathroom sink was, your flowers and garden look amazing, and you look adorable in your cute pjs… Oh by the way you and Andy sure produced the most precious granddaughter imaginable!!!
Just precious Rebecca…absolutely and totally precious! I'm sending hugs and love to you and Andy — two of the greatest parents…Grace is so blessed! How perfect to see that sweet little face after all your words…it's like…”aren't I worth it people?!”
No wonder I couldn't find your old blog! you have a new one! I enjoyed reading your entry. It was honest, and I think that many people will be inspired by your valuable insight. I love you. You and Andy are great parents and Grace is a lucky girl : )
~ Sara
This process has been SO different than we thought it would be! I'm not even 100% sure what I imagined it would be like, but it has been totally different than anything I could have pictured. But what a wonderful adventure we find ourselves in together! I'm so glad you have this blog to share all these funny thoughts on, because so many of the things you wrote about made me laugh and smile. I love you Rebecca, and I'm looking forward to the rest of this crazy and different journey!