I know they say change is good, and I even think I believe that, but when I go through change I start to wonder if they are right. Whoever “they” are.
Some of my changes are minor…I no longer have stitches in my toe and I can now shower on both feet again!
Some of my changes are huge…I decided to quit my job yesterday. I turned in my resignation yesterday and gave my boss 4 weeks notice. A month might seem long to most people, but I really feel bad that I am leaving him so suddenly and a month is really very short in his world.
I know I should probably feel excited about what is ahead of me, but right now I just feel turmoil. For those who are wondering, I took a new job that is close to home, more aligned with what I am good at, and that has the potential to work out better for me once I have kids. I know, I should be thrilled, but I’m not there yet.
The whole resignation process did not go exactly how I had planned it out. I was hoping that my boss would have a quiet afternoon yesterday, but of course Murphy’s Law took effect and everything broke loose at 3:30pm.
I finally got into his office to drop the bomb at about 4:50. As soon as I walked in and closed the door behind me, he looked up, saw my face and the envelope in my hand, and I think he knew what was about to happen. None of this was in the many scripts I had rehearsed, so it really caught me off guard.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very passionate/emotional person. So, when he and I met eyes the moment after I closed the door, I teared up. I didn’t get into a full on sob like when I had my review, but I was “cry-talking” for sure. “Cry-talking” in my definition is when you have that awful lump in your throat, your eyes are full of tears (that just pool up and never fall), and your lip is quivering while you force the words out of your mouth.
So anyway, I stumbled through the eloquent speech I had prepared and managed to say about 75% of it in random order. He was shocked, worried, upset, etc., but I have to say he wasn’t angry or mad like I anticipated. All day my mom and Andy had been praying that he would be able to see my heart and that God would soften his heart toward me. I think that is exactly what happened.
So, it was more messy and rushed than I would have liked it to be, but I survived. It’s over.
Although it really isn’t Over. I still have to face him again this week, I have to manage to be all I can be in my last few weeks despite any tension there may be. I have to politely answer all the questions that people will ask in a brief and professional way. I have to figure out what happens next, what role I play in this leaving process, and I might have to train someone to do what I do.
I am praying hard that God will bring the perfect person along for this job. I hope that there is someone out there right now that is praying for a job like this and who would be great. I also hope that she finds it soon, so I can get her as prepared as possible.
In the meantime, I have to figure out how to cope with all of this transition…