Questioning Everything

This is where I’m at right now. I think it’s probably a good place for me to be…I think I’ve gone through life hearing and then quickly adopting all the “right” opinions and stances on things. I make sure they seem to agree with the Bible and that they definitely agree with the views of my family and Christian friends and then I latch onto them very tightly. I’m sure many of these stances are good, but some of them are really just popular church opinion or the opinion of the crowd I associate with, rather than what I really believe or what I really ought to believe according to God’s opinion, not just popular Christian opinion. I really want to know and feel what I believe in. I want to be outside the box, because that’s where I think Jesus lived. I want to live from my heart. I want to stop doing and saying and living things that drain my soul. The problem is that so many of the things I do are “good” or “beneficial” or “benevolent” so it’s hard to know what to keep doing so that I continue to grow and stretch and change and what to throw off so that I can tap into my heart and soul like God intended. I would rather be the prodigal son than the older brother….when the prodigal returned home, he knew why he was there and he relished his father’s love. The older brother was so caught up in his “good son” routine…I’m sure it drained his soul in many ways too. It might have looked pretty from the outside, but on the inside he didn’t even know who he was and I’m sure he didn’t have the proper perspective on his Father’s love. I’m not planning to run off to squander my inheritance or anything, so for now I’ll keep wrestling with these questions.